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Unless you want to be thrown into a haphazard mix of other lesbian newbies at a bi-monthly girl party at a massive nightclub, you have to to find out where the experienced lesbians gather. We don't like things that are too easily available, and the dating scene is no different.
Our culture is like a secret designer sample sale advertised only to an exclusive group of people "in the know." (Oh, but once you get inside, you discover it was worth waiting on that pesky long lesbian line).
There are so many "straight" girls on Tinder who are just seeking out threesomes with their boyfriends. And I don't know about you, but I crave r-o-m-a-n-c-e. I know it's new to you, but a date is a date is a date, and if she wants to pay, let the bitch pay. You can be a fully femme lipstick lez and enjoy taking a girl out for a night on the town. You and the chick you're dating will figure out a rhythm that works for you. If you want to wear mega heels and shocking pink lipstick, rock it, girl.
This has made lesbians understandably cynical and bitter, so anyone who lands on the femme spectrum might be met with suspicion. I'm very outwardly girly (but inside, I'm a total fiery TOP), and I would come to find that all the girls I thought were cute initially assumed I was a straight girl seeking a threesome, or a bicurious entity looking to experiment. I put in my profile: Totally gay, seeking the same. I would rather foot the entire bill (and I'm not a rich power lesbian, YET) over going dutch any day of the week. You're not robbed of being romantically indulged just because you're a lesbian. You can be a top and a bottom, both in sex and money, honey. Don't feel like now that you're gay you have to cut your hair off and exclusively wear blazers.
A friend setup is always the best way to meet cool people.
Also, other gays, gays at the office, gays in the family, gays at the gym, gays everywhere will come flying out of the woodwork.
So here it is, kids: Zara's official dating tips for the newly out LEZ. And lesbians are so incestuous that we've all dated each other by now. There is always a lesbian art walk, or book club, or walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. I used to troll the straight bars when I was a new lez, and almost all the girls I thought were gay weren't. I just sat back and watched my straight girlfriends make out with fratty-looking boys, and I would just grow increasingly bitter and irritated and end up overdrinking and waking up depressed and hopeless and hungover. In the early days, bite the bullet and GO TO THE GAY BAR (before they shut down). But they have NO right to be offended by you hitting on them when in lesbian land.
I have pulled all these questions directly from messages that YOU guys have sent me in the past month. My number one tip in meeting like-minded girls is to seek out another lesbian to be your wingwoman. We're perpetually thirsty for fresh gay blood, so being new on the scene actually works in your favor. It's safe to assume the people at the gay bar are gay. Remember, the homo bar is your territory, and you should feel empowered on your turf. No one is going to know you're gay just by looking at you (everyone rocks short hair and flannel these days), so make sure everywhere you go, you slip in your sexual identity.
(Please, dear god, make me a gay man in my next life).
If you're comfortable, and the chemistry is there, and you're feeling the heat -- go for it, sister. One of the best parts about your new gay life is now that you're finally out of that repressive closet and are embracing your sexual identity, a whole new world inside of you will come to life.
The average woman isn't going to ghost you because you slept with her on the first date. What's she going to do, tell her friends how "easy" you are?
Some lesbians liked to be tight-lipped (no pun intended) about the gay underworld. I see it like this: It's hard enough to be gay in this cruel, cold, heteronormative world.
We don't need to make it even harder on the young bloods by keeping our world so secretive. However, I don't recommend girlfriend-hunting at a straight bar in those fragile early days of your gayness.